JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
