Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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