i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
