yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
