make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
