what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
