I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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