they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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