and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
