Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
