No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
