dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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