i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I will be naked everywhere
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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