i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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