Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
