Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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