I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
