Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want to make out with him forever
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
