Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
