So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
