ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
