Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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