What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
