90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
