they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
