On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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