you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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