I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
