i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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