I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize