He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
