dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
