we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
