You can't motorboat a personality
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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