Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
