feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
