I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
