He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
