alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
