Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
