New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
