i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize