You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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