I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize