I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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