i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
