margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Drunk is a universal language darling
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
