my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
