I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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