And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
