No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
