Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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