Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
