but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
