i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize