I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
