I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My penis needs a shock collar
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
