So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my being single is dangerous.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
