You really coming over, don't trick.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
