A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
