JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
