Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize