Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
