Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
