the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
