tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
