Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
