Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
