He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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