I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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