There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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