dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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