I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
