the day after is always just damage control
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
