Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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