so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
