I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
