he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
