this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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